AUTHORâS NOTE: This week my Substack post was about the acceptance of my autistic adult son Allen that his deceased father had been given a new name in Heaven. Allen and I continue to make our way into a life without Ron. You can read the complete blog post here.
As we transition from our formal association with the United Methodist Church and enter into our fellowship with the Global Methodist Church, we will be called by a new name: The Atonement Methodist Church. I have taken these words from many Bible passages, all listed below. And please listen to the poem of Hosanna Wong, who says it better than I can!
We are not the names of our past;
We are the names we have chosen to answer to.
As the conquerors, we listen to what
The Spirit says to the Church.
In the hidden manna, written on the white stone,Â
Is a New Name.
It is an Everlasting Name.
Friend.
Chosen.
Masterpiece.
We are called by the mouth of the Lord
This new name.
We are called by another name.
Hand-made.
Purposed.
A temple.
Let everyone who has an ear, listen;
Let everyone who has an eye, see;
Let everyone who has a mouth, speak.
Our names are written in the house of the Lord.
Messenger.
Child.
Greatly loved.
Tangible words
Written on us.
The name of My God, and the name of the city of My God,
 the new Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God,Â
But he said to me, âMy grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. (II Corinthians 12:9, NIV)
FINISHED
The day was finally over. I leaned back in my second-hand rocking chair and closed my eyes, struggling to quiet my nerves. Iâd been running on adrenalin for the last six days, doing everything that needed to be done for my husband and our children, having no time to sort through my own emotions. I thought of the boxes and bundles in the dining room, all things I would need to sort through and take care of; of my two older children who had just gone back to their homes with their partners; and of Allen, my autistic adult son, who had thrown his tie and suit jacket on the coach a few moments ago. Iâd heard the door to his room slam; the sounds reverberated through our little brick house.Â
Keeping my eyes closed, I slid from my rocking chair and touched my knees to the laminate floorâso much better for wheelchairs and walkers than carpeting-and let the tearsâso carefully controlled for six daysâflow down my face.Â
âThank you, Lord,â I prayed. âThank you that it is finally finished. Thank you that Ron is finally healed.â
I would need to become accustomed to seeing the empty lift chair on the other side of the room, the one Allen and I had struggled to bring home from a sale in Kennet Square just a few months ago, but my heart would be full.
 After more than two decades of illnesses, my husband had been called Home.
ASKING
During the years when we were, more often than not, inhabiting some room at some hospital in the tri-county area, my thoughts would often stray to the Apostle Paul as I waited out surgery or a test. While no one is really sure what the problem was, it is made clear in the Book of Second Corinthians that Paul prayed three times for a physical affliction to be removed from him. And God had his reasons for saying âNoâ.Â
In addition to this burden, Paul had been beaten, flogged, left for dead, thrown into a filthy prison cell with rats and mice, and confined in chains. Some of Paulâs physical features have been part of a story Titus told Onesiphorus that Paul was, âsmall in size, bald-headed, bow-legged, well built, with eyebrows that met, rather long-nosed and full of grace.â Add to his unimposing figure the scars and scabs of his mistreatment, emaciation from prison scraps, and head injury. Not what one might suppose the impressive Apostle looked like.
But he was full of grace. When God said, âNo. Sorry, buddy, no healing for you,â Paulâs response was not anger but acceptance. Without physical features worthy of boast, Paul replied, âTherefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon meâ (II Corinthians 12:9). If God had healed Paul, would he have been as effective in the early church? Would he have gone on the Apostolic missions to Cyprus, Syria, Cilicia, and Arabia? Paul trusted that God knew best.
TRUST
We had that trust as well. Through the many, many years of my husbandâs illnesses, myself, my children, my friends, and my church continually prayed for Ronâs healing. We knew it was within Godâs power to take away both the physical and mental maladies that assaulted him. We knew it; we believed it; we waited for it to happen.
And while we waited for a miracle, we âlet the power of Christâ rest on us. We filled each hospital room with hymns and cards from my school students. We prayed for the medical staff that entered the room. We reached out to both patients and families in waiting rooms. We comforted those who lost someone; we rejoiced with those who left the hospital well again. We knew God heard us (I John 5:14).
Joni Eareckson Tada, a quadriplegic since her diving accident in 1967, stated in interviews that she often felt God, by not healing her, had deserted her. But she came to discover that God had a greater purpose for her life. Joni said, âGod may remove your suffering, and that will be a great cause for praise. But if not, He will use it, He will use anything and everything that stands in the way of His fellowship with you. So let God mold you and make you, transform you from glory to glory. Thatâs the deeper healingâ(Interview with Marvin Olasky, 2013).
YES
I rose from the floor and crossed over to the maroon lift chair where, six days ago, Ron had fallen asleep and awakened in Heaven. I touched it lightly, remembering: the mother of a chronically ill daughter with whom I prayed during ketamine treatments; the heart patient my daughter and I had met at Temple Hospital who left our presence to go home and call her estranged son; the grieving widower who accepted Jesus in the waiting room at Riddle Hospital, knowing he would see his wife again in Glory.
Would these people have heard the Gospel if Ron had been healed? Would Paul have gone on the mission trips if he had been a handsome and physically fit man? Would Joni have had a worldwide impact on others if God had cured her?
I settled into Ronâs chair, sensing my husbandâs presence. Moving on without him would not be easy, but I knew his life had not been in vain.
Godâs ânoâ had resulted in many saying âyesâ to Jesus.Â
Do you know Iâve written a book? It recounts my autistic sonâs unique grief journey after his father died. In order to have a publisher consider it, I need a LOT of people to subscribe to my blog. PLEASE CONSIDER IT. Itâs FREE! Just click this link!Â
It’s been a long time running down a dead-end road
Lookin’ for that something that could fill my soul
Running Home, Cochran and Company, 2023Â
Title: Running Home, CD By: Cochren & Company Format: Compact disc. Vendor: Gotee, Publication Date: 2023. Weight: 3 ounces. UPC: 669447019978. Stock No
âIâm sorry. I just canât do it anymore.â
The note was torn from a copybook and left on the kitchen table that morning. I wasnât sure how my husband had managed to get out of bed without me hearing him, but tears flowed down my cheeks as I read his words. I ran to the window; his white Ford GT was gone. That meant that Ron, my husband of 40 years, had driven off in a psychotic break.
I picked up my phone and began to make calls: to the police, our children, and our minister. It was more than I could handle alone; I needed my village.Â
It was April of 2009, and it was the third time that Ron, worn down by both psychological and physical issues, had attempted to run away from his problems. I knew the problems were not of his making. The severe depression that had caused the first mental breakdown in 1996 resulted in several hospitalizations in psychiatric wards and was later diagnosed as bipolar disorder in 1999. We were getting a handle on it, working out the medications, and coming to a balance in life (well, sort of) when the red pickup truck struck Ronâs car on Paoli Pike, resulting in massive internal injuries and many, many surgeries.Â
At first, Ron tried to remain positive and hopeful, but as infections invaded his body and postponed his recovery, the mental aspects of a long illness began to erode his faith. He questioned why God allowed his suffering, and why God allowed him to remain on earth. My usually upbeat nature grated on his nerves.Â
âIâm worth nothing,â he would say.
âYou are to the kids and me,â I would counter.
âIf only I could get away from God,â heâd retort.
“Go to Ninevah!”
Iâm sure Jonah felt the same way when God told him to go to Ninevah and he decided against it. Jonah 1:3 says, âBut Jonah got up and went in the opposite direction to get away from the Lordâ (NIV). Jonah did his best to run and hide, jumping on a ship headed for the open sea and eventually getting thrown into the waves when the crew discovered this disobedient prophet was the reason for the sudden storm. Then, to make matters worse, Jonah was swallowed by a whale and spent three days and nights in what was probably a pretty dark and smelly place.
But it gave him time to think. While the story of Jonah does not end with his repentance, God undoubtedly knew the internal struggles within the prophet and forgave him (Shalhevertnewsonline.com).
And God forgave Ron. Aways. My husband may have seen his struggles as meaningless. Sometimes I did, as well. Why had this good man, this loving husband and father, been made to suffer so much pain? I reminded myself daily that,â God works for the good of those who love him, who had been called according to his purposeâ (Romans 8:2,8 NIV).
And despite his attempts to run away, Ron did love God.
It was close to midnight by the time Ron was found. Church members and neighbors had gone home by then, and my grown children and their partners were seeking some respite at my house when our minister called.
Going home
âI drove by the church,â said Dan. âRonâs car is there. The police are bringing him to the hospital. Heâs okay.â
Ron had, at his lowest point and suffering great inner turmoil,, sought a place of peace and safety. Heâd sought God.
It was the last time Ron tried to run away from the Lord. It probably helped that I sold his car. He continued to question why God allowed his pain to endure. The last two years of his life, when his world was reduced to our downstairs rooms, were particularly difficult.
âI wish I knew what Godâs reasons are,â he would tell me. And I would assure him that one day he would know.
According to Desiringgod.com (2017), suffering prepares us for glory; âFor our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that outweighs them allâ (II Corinthians 4:17, NIV). As Joni Eareckson Tada said, âWeâll thank God endlessly in heaven for the trials he sent us here.â
His trials continued, but my husband stopped running from God. And on one glorious day, Ron ran home.
Do you know I’ve written a book? It recounts my autistic son’s unique grief journey after his father died. In order to have a publisher consider it, I need a LOT of people to subscribe to my blog. PLEASE CONSIDER IT. It’s FREE!
Dear Friends, My son and I were not members of Atonement when my husband died on July 13, 2019, but all of you have helped us to continue to allow our hearts to beat as we work to serve God and honor our loved one. Our church has undergone trials this year, and some hearts have been divided. I’d like to remind everyone that “Heaven is working everything for our good.” I hope you will not only read this post to the end but also listen to Danny Gorky’s song.
In His Blessed Name,
Linda
Shattered…
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
“Your husband’s heart is very damaged,” said Dr. Hoffman. She stood next to our chairs in the trauma waiting room, still wearing a blue surgical gown. “His aorta was crushed by the steering wheel. And he’s sustained a lot of other damage in his chest and pelvis. But, he’s survived the surgery. There may be other complications later on, but for now, he is stable.”
My daughter and I were numb after eight hours spent in molded plastic chairs, eight hours of twisting our hands and praying. During the evening and early morning hours, friends and church members had stopped by to pray and wait with us. Now, at 2 AM, it was just Bonnie and me and our minister.
“You can see him for a moment,” said Dr. Hoffman. “Then you all need to go get some sleep. Don’t set the alarm for work or school. Just sleep. We’ll call you if anything happens.”
Ron lay on the stretcher in the recovery room, still and gray, wires and tubes connected everywhere to his body. A screen above showed his heartbeat in glowing green. I touched his right shoulder, one of the few places on his body without an electrode. “Stay with me,” I whispered to him. “Tell your heart to keep beating.”
Is he still alive?” asked the voice on the other end of the phone. “I just got the message you left. Mom, tell me, is Dad still alive?”
Bonnie, Allen, and I had huddled together in my bed for a few hours, trying to sleep away some of the fears we were feeling. One of us would drift off for a few moments, but inevitably we would wake up and grab for each other. Thoughts ran through my head: What now? How would we get through this? Could I be strong enough for Ron, for our children?
Tears streamed down my face as I responded to my son, away at college. “Yes,” I said. “Dad’s still alive. When we left him a couple of hours ago, his heart was still beating.”
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
“The surgery on his pancreas was successful,” said Dr. Harbison. “He’ll be on a feeding tube for a while, and gradually we’ll reintroduce solid foods. But his heart has become enlarged. It’s not working at full capacity. He’ll spend some time in the telemetry unit, but I think he is going to need a pacemaker. We’ll watch him for a few days until he’s stronger.”
I made notes on the pad I kept in my purse as he talked. Terms once foreign to me–pancreas, spleen, telemetry- were now part of my everyday vocabulary. “I’m assuming you will give him a diet to follow when he’s released, things that are easy to digest and that will keep his blood sugar level. When can I see him?”
“In about half an hour,” he said. “We’ve had some trouble bringing him out of the anesthesia.”
“It always happens,” I said.
He paused for a moment and checked Ron’s chart. “I see this is his–fourth surgery in the last year? This must be hard on you.”
“It is,” I agreed. “But we’re a strong family. The kids and I figure it out as we go along.” I smiled as I put the notebook back in my purse. “As long as his heart keeps beating, we’ll keep fighting.”
Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
‘Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun
“Your pulse is very weak. Mr. Cobourn, I think you’re going into A-fib. Are you with me? Stay with me!” shouted the nurse.
I grabbed Ron’s hand. “Come on, honey. Keep breathing.” I turned to the nurse who was busily raising the baron the stretcher Ron laid on. “Shall we call 911?” I asked her. “Do we need the paddles? Is his pacemaker working?”
“It will be quicker to run him across the street to Temple,” she said. “I’ll push. Go hold the elevator!”
I picked up Ron’s things and ran down the hallway of the medical building on Broad Street, determined to stop traffic if I had to in order to get Ron into the Emergency Room across the street. “I’ll call them that we’re on our way!” I said as I furiously pushed the button for the elevator. The nurse arrived, breathless with her exertion, and the doors slid open. I leaned over my groggy husband and whispered in his ear, “Tell your heart to keep beating. Tell it not to stop.”
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
“It’s his heart” said the voice on my cell phone. “As you know, it’s terribly scarred from so many surgeries and infections. And it’s only working at 25% capacity. Dr. Araidne needs to do an ablation but since you have medical power of attorney…”
“I know,” I said as I opened up my desk drawer and picked up my purse. My elementary students were out on the playground and the Reading lesson was on the board.
“How soon can you be here?”
I checked the clock on the wall. ” Maybe 30 minutes,” I said. “I’m just up on Academy Road. I can get to Hahnemann pretty quickly.”
“Okay. We’ll let the surgeon know.”
I grabbed my purse and locked the door. I would run by the office and tell the secretary I was leaving for the hospital; my reading students would have to stay in their classroom. Quickly, I strode over to the parking lot and got into my car. “Tell your heart to keep beating,” I whispered to my husband. “Just a little while longer.”
Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
“We did everything we could,” said the EMT. “There is nothing else we can do. His heart just..stopped. Between one beat and the next.” He laid a hand on my arm. “I wish we could have done more.”
I took a deep breath. “He’s been through a lot. Too many hospitalizations. Too many surgeries. Nineteen years of too much for one man to deal with.” I let the tears fall from my face. “He stayed as long as he could. He kept his heart beating for us.”
The EMT bent to put the instruments back into his bag. “The medical examiner will be along later. But I think the cause of death is obvious.” He straightened up. “You took good care of him, Mrs. Cobourn. Never doubt that.” He sighed. “Frankly, he shouldn’t have lived this long. He did because he loved you.”
‘Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven’s working
Everything for your good
“Dad’s okay now,” I said to my three children, huddled together on the deck out back while the EMTs finished up. “He’s not in pain anymore. I promised him…I promised him we would all be okay. I promised him we would move on with our lives. I promised him we would always remember him.”
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
“Goodbye,” I whispered as I leaned over the casket. “It will take some time, I know. But I want you to know I will be okay. Your love will always be part of me. My heart will beat for you.”
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Tell Your Heart to Beat Again lyrics Š Capitol Christian Music Group, Capitol CMG Publishing, Downtown Music Publishing, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
I just keep doing my best, pray that it’s blessed and Jesus takes care of the rest
Matthew 12: 43 â 45Â NIV
43Â âWhen an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44Â Then it says, âI will return to the house I left.â When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45Â Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.â
In the fall of 2022, Ellie Kwick had a class showing the video to the book by Jonathan Cahn, The Return of the Gods. Throughout that class we learned how the United States, and the whole world really, is now dealing with the spirits of the ancient world. It does not take much to realize the world we live in without Jesus is following someone’s orders. We learned that when GOD is kicked out of a civilization, an evil spirit moves in, and brings with him seven more like himself.  I am so thankful and grateful, that just one word from Jesus, and evil spirits flee. âGet thee behind me Satan.â I just have to open my mouth, speak God’s words, and evil flees.Â
As with everything with me, I love quoting lyrics from songs.  I loved Keith Green, and he wrote a song in 1977 called No one Believes in Me Anymore, aka Satan’s Boast.  Here are the lyrics, and food for thought.Â
Oh, my job keeps getting easier
As time keeps slipping away
I can imitate your brightest light
And make your night look just like day
I put some truth in every lie
To tickle itching ears
You know I’m drawing people just like flies
‘Cause they like what they hear
I’m gaining power by the hour
They’re falling by the score
You know, it’s getting very simple now
‘Cause no one believe in me anymore
Oh, heaven’s just a state of mind
My books read on your shelf
And have you heard that God is dead?
I made that one up myself
They dabble in magic spells
They get their fortunes read
You know they heard the truth
But turned away and followed me instead
I used to have to sneak around
But now they just open their doors
You know, no ones watching for my tricks
Because no one believes in me anymore
Everyone likes a winner
With my help, you’re guaranteed to win
And hey, man, you ain’t no sinner
You’ve got the truth within
And as your life slips by
You believe the lie that you did it on your own
But don’t worry
I’ll be there to help you share our dark eternal home
Oh, my job keeps getting easier
As day slips into day
The magazines, the newspapers
Print every word I say
This world is just my spinning top
It’s all like childs-play
You know, I dream that it will never stop
But I know it’s not that way
Still my work goes on and on
Always stronger than before
I’m gonna make it dark before the dawn
Since no one believes in me anymore
Well, now I used to have to sneak around
But now they just open their doors
You know, no one watches for my tricks
Since no one believes in me anymore
Well I’m gaining power by the hour
They’re falling by the score
You know, it’s getting very easy now
Since no one believes in me anymore
No one believes in me anymore
No one believes in me anymore
My heart breaks and so should yours that people are so misled. It is our privilege to be Jesus’ voice, hands, and feet in this world. When was the last time we shared Jesus with our neighbors, friends, or even family? Or better yet, when was the last time we prayed for these people to know Jesus and His unfailing love for us? I believe we are in the last days, and things on this earth as we know it are coming to a close. Let us be the people who SHARE JESUS with everyone we meet and do our best to be JESUS IN THIS WORLD.
God Bless all of you until next time we meet.
Works Cited:
Cahn, Jonathan. (2022). The Return of the Gods. Frontline Publication.
Green, Keith. . âNo one believes in me anymore [Satanâs Boast].â For Him Who Has Ears to Hear. (May 20, 1977). Keith Green and Bill Maxwell.
Many Christians in the United States wonder if they would be able to âsuffer for Christâ. Now, has anyone ever âsuffered for Christâ? How is this form of suffering different from our normal daily ordeals or hardships?Â
SCRIPTURE:  12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 14 If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 16 However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. (1 Peter 4: 12-14, 16; NIV)
An Unwanted Blessing
My sisterâs Bible class was discussing that in the United States it appears that we have not been âcalled to suffer for Christâ. After all, we arenât tortured or killed due to our statement of faith when we go to church on Sunday or carry our own Bibles. Yet, my sister commented, âYou have suffered greatly for Christ.â And this is the truth Iâve endured since at least 2015.
For about 12 years, I taught in the New Jersey Juvenile âCorrections Systemâ. For about 10 years, I taught full-time in juvenile âcorrectionsâ in northernmost New Jersey. The last 2 years were atrocious with enforcement of the âmodern educational ideologyâ. As teachers, we were told what we âcould think, believe, and sayâ. I faced daily threats and weekly harassment which meant that I faced a very unsafe and hazardous working environment. Management wanted proper automatons. Often, I was able to âsidestepâ the inmateâs questions or be abstruse in my answer. Yet I felt an âincreasing sense of foreboding uneasinessâ and had an âawarenessâ that momentarily I would be called to either defend my faith or just âgo with the flow into Hellâ. That day, there were only 2 choices for me, and I resolved to defend my faith in Christ. I just didnât know what it would TRULY cost me.Â
 In the classroom, an inmate told me about the FACT of evolution and told me of his belief about humans coming from apes. (You read that correctly.) I said that evolution is a theory and explains the similarities and differences in the world with different breeds of dogs, cats, and other living organisms. The inmate confronted me that it is a theory, and it is therefore a fact. I explained that a theory is a process of discovering the truth. Then (in front of the full class, and 2 additional classes of students, teachers, and the officers), I felt His Spirit fill me as I allowed His Spirit to confront the inmatesâ deceptions that they were âaccidental by-products of pond scumâ and therefore not responsible for their actions.Â
Days later, an inmate who had been in one of those classes, confronted me at my desk in a different building and demanded that he be permitted to go on the computer under my access code (which was a âfiring offenseâ). I refused his demand; so he reached across the desk, gripped my hand, pulling and pushing me across the desk multiple times. I screamed to get out of the classroom and locked the door. I knew I was severely injured since I spent hours trying to just sign my name and write a documentary narrative about the assault. A month later, I completed the resignation process, never to return.Â
I retained a New Jersey legal firm for Workerâs Compensation, and over 5 years received no medical care through Workerâs Compensation. After the assault, Delaware Medicaid provided me with all appropriate surgeries which seem to me to be directly related to the assault. Since I am no longer in the âInjustice Systemâ, it appears I just donât understand âthe lawâ. Yet the consequences of the assault have been unparalleled. I have had 1 cervical fusion of my neck (3-7) and 3 lumbar fusions (from my 3rd vertebrae which is near the base of my ribcage to the end of my spine) trying to repair the extensive damage from the assault.Â
Unwanted Lessons
Many Biblical characters endured âfiery ordealsâ. The most logical examples of enduring âfiery trialsâ would be Daniel, Joseph, and Esther who encountered âstrangeâ, life-shattering experiences. Daniel was (supposedly) a teenager when he was taken to another country and forced to renounce everything that was of value to him. Joseph was a spoiled, young man who was sold into slavery, and then taken to another country and accused of crimes that he didnât commit. Esther was a young woman who was taken to another country, and she won the Miss World Pageant. She was blatantly told to not speak of her faith. Yet, she followed Godâs directions through her uncle and wisely saved the Hebrew nation. Each of these people exemplified faith when it was critical.Â
Moses, Gideon, and Joshua encountered âfiery trialsâ of a different sort. Moses had to reject his âadopted cultureâ and lead perhaps an âarmyâ of millions of complaining âsheepâ through the wilderness. Each sheep âknewâ that they could do a better job than Moses. Gideon had significant âself-esteemâ issues as God told him to fight against a far more powerful and prepared army. Like most people, Gideon tried to work out the solution based on his understanding and wisdom but had to listen to hear Godâs mystifying directions. Joshua took the âarmy of sheepâ from Moses and had to be prepared to enforce a âdeath penaltyâ on any friend or family member who refused to follow Godâs directions.Â
So, as a Christian, would these âfiery ordealsâ seem something âstrangeâ to you? The âgreatsââ Daniel, Joseph, Esther, Moses, Gideon, and Joshua made their choice to suffer for their faith. But, if you are given the choice to suffer for Christâ, could you? Each of these people fought battles to defend the Truth of God. Each character risked their life, and the lives of those that they loved, to speak the truth of God.
So, my friend, the question is: What would you do for Christ?
Sometime near Resurrection Day at the start of the millennium, I was driving to a colleagueâs home before driving with him in his car to a work-related conference. I was on âSkyline Driveâ which is a two-mile-high, serpentine road, with two lanes. On one side was the precipitous drop, and on the other side the perpendicular wall of rock. The surrounding view from the mountaintop was of a green land neatly divided into fields and squares with a small-town underneath, but it was âsuicideâ to look down while driving. Skyline Drive had one lane going up the mountain and the other lane going down with no physical division between the lanes but with constant twists throughout the two miles. From above, I assume that the road looked like a lazy, peaceful, serpent relaxing in the sun on a grassy field with a âfull- tummyâ. In the springtime, verdant trees covered everything; and in the fall, the land was awash with colors as the trees changed shades. The picturesque scenery was gorgeous from the incline unless . . . .
âŚat the top of the mountain, my brakes completely failed! There was no apparent cause since the car wasnât âthat ancientâ, and had been maintained on schedule, yet my foot pedal just went to the floor. I panicked, (briefly cursed), and prayed, something like, âOh ****, Oh God!!â And then I was âoff to the racesâ!Â
THE EMERGENCY BRAKE
On a road which was constantly used, I was able to swing the car left and right down the narrow pathway, until at the end of this âsuicide rideâ, I thought briefly about taking the car into a local shopping centerâs parking lot until it would slow to a stop. As the weight of the car started pulling it backwards into oncoming traffic, I THEN REMEMBERED the emergency brake and pulled the car to the side and engaged the emergency brake. It was at this time that the local police stopped by on the other side of the road, and the officer asked if I needed help.
 My first thought was, I could have used your help a few seconds ago! ButI said, âI am contacting my mechanic.â Since my friendâs husband was an auto mechanic, and the road was all uphill, I was simply calling him to see if he was available.Â
Pete, my âexpert mechanicâ, examined the car and said there are multiple, âredundantâ systems to prevent this from happening and asked if he could send the parts to the manufacturer. My comment was, âTake any parts, but can you fix it?â He gave me the estimate and time and drove me, his overwhelmed friend, home.
I purchased a new car thereafter and remembered the lesson. I could have been hit by a car going up the hill or hit someone else as my car was flying âout of controlâ down the hill. I might have been pushed over the sheer cliff or have hit the sheer rock face; yet neither one happened. Angels provided a safe path for me down since God had His purpose.Â
HEED THE SIGNS
How often are we oblivious to Godâs clear signs and displays of His love, protection, and provision for us? It may not be as obvious as clearly as that experience. We run outside to do our daily tasks without a thought about giving God thanks, see a picturesque sky and donât think of The Maker, and then eat delicious food and not recognize Our Provider. If you were a parent of a child who constantly refused to show gratitude, how often would you keep giving more? If you had family members who rarely took time to take their head from the electronic devices, would you graciously give them more? Yet, Our Father wants our simple thanks.Â
When we recognize His Power, Authority, and Glory; God wants to shower us with even more blessings. Our Creator doesnât need us since He could clearly make âchildren of Abrahamâ from rocks (Matthew 3: 9). But He wants us as family, and He chooses us as His friends. And for those who choose to follow His Heart, God invites us to grow and mature through those choices.Â
Bakerâs Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology explains who the âAngel of the Lordâ is from biblestudytools.com (https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/angel-of-the-lord/). Most people, when they see an angel, are struck with fear. The âAngel of The Lordâ carries Godâs messages and is identified with God. This angel can be a messenger of good or evil, but always does what is right. In Genesis 16:7-14, the Lordâs angel tells Hagar to return to Sarai. The angel of the Lord also pronounces a curse on people who ârefused to come to the Lordâ (Judges 5: 23), puts Israelâs enemies to death (2 Kings 19: 35), and commissions Abraham to confront Pharaoh (Joshua 5: 13-15; Exodus 3: 5) about withholding the Hebrews, âGodâs only sonâ (Gen 22: 11-18).
Far from such a powerful angel, God provided me with an angel when I needed His protection and provision. God is âno respecter of peopleâ, and I am no closer to Godâs heart than any other child of God. I am quite certain that we sometimes feel that the vehicles of our life are so âout of controlâ and all we want to do is put the brakes on the vehicles that appear to be carrying us down the precipitous mountain; but we must try to remember that though we may want to put on the brakes, God can always send His angels to safely escort us to His place of safety and joy.Â
  Every plant which my heavenly father has not planted shall be uprooted. (MATTHEW 15:13)
MENTAL PRISONS
Jesus Christ is the sweetest name I know. It is with confession of the name that we were born again and received the Holy Spirit . You become Spiritually a son of God with power, but your soul and body remain unchanged, your mind and the way you think is unchanged. If you fear everything, the fear remains. If you suffer from depression, that remains. The worst prisons are the ones in your mind, the mental images of what you think about, or the way you think about a subject.
 God âwho loves usâ has given us a way out.
FORM A CLEAR IMAGE
Mental prisons mean we limit our lives by not changing our thinking. Clearness and concern are two keys to releasing us from prisons. When you are born-again, you receive the Holy Spirit but your mind is still only what you make it. Our thoughts can be powerful! Your mind can become a prison. Suppose you are broke and the rent is due. Pick a verse that speaks to you and memorize that verse. Thank God for your deliverance.
GIVE GOD YOUR CONCERNS
 Holding Godâs word in your mind gives you a picture of your abundance . Try to increase your time in the Word. Your mind is a Holy Spirit computer: garbage in, garbage out. Put good things into your mind. Take words from the Bible and memorize verse. This takes time but is worth the effort. If in a half an hour you forget and go back to thinking your old way, you will not gain deliverance \. You will have a blurred picture in your mind.
THE FOUR KINGDOMS
For God so loved the world that He sent His only son. Once we are born again, we become sons and daughters of God â actual members of Godâs family ! In the world there are four kingdoms:
The plant kingdom,
 the animal kingdom,
the kingdom of man,Â
and the spiritual kingdom of God. With the righteousness of God we stand without any sense of sin, guilt, or condemnation . We belong to the Kingdom of God!
What an amazing promise!
And God is able to make all grace abound, so that in all things, in all times, you will abound in every good work. (II Corinthians 9:8 )
I just keep doing my best, pray that it’s blessed and Jesus takes care of the rest
 To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. (Proverbs 21:3, ESV)
WHEN IT NEEDS TO END
We recently had the disaffiliationvote here at church. The term âDisaffiliationâ means to âend a formal relationship with a groupâ (Oxford Languages Dictionary). In this case, we were voting to end Atonementâs relationship with the United Methodist Church due to differences in Biblical teachings. I was so impressed by Pastor Amy’s sensitivity to the few members who voted no. I saw this as an example of Amy’s obedience to the Holy Spirit to be considerate of othersâ feelings.  Change and growth seem to go hand in hand, and I know that these people who voted no do not want to change and have reasons why they love being United Methodists. I have had these lyrics to a song stuck in my head for the past few months, about being brave enough to do what is right in God’s eyes, and not just what is easy for us. Â
To obey is better than sacrifice, I don’t need your money, I want your life
And I hear you say that I’m coming back soon, But you act like I’ll never return
Well you speak of grace and my love so sweet. Â How you thrive on milk, but reject My meat
And I can’t help weeping of how it will be. If you keep on ignoring My words
Well you pray to prosper and succeed, But your flesh is something I just can’t feed
The Bible speaks of this in 1 Samuel:
And Samuel said, âHas the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. (1 Samuel 15:22Â ESV)
CHANGE IS HARD
Change and growing pains, in my opinion, go hand in hand. It hurts to admit we need to grow in knowledge and experience of loving our Lord.  Now we realize we need to change and grow, and with growth comes the growing pains we ALL experience. As we look to you, Lord Jesus, remember us, and lead us in the ways you WANT us all to go in.Â
Here’s the rest of the lyrics from Keith Green’s song:
To obey is better than sacrifice, I want more than Sunday and Wednesday nights
Cause if you can’t come to Me every day, Then don’t bother coming at all  La, la, la
To obey is better than sacrifice, I want hearts of fire, Not your prayers of ice
And I’m coming quickly, To give back to you,  According to what you have done
MERCY AND SACRIFICE
The Book of Matthew also talks about mercy and sacrifice:
And if you had known what this means, âI desire mercy, and not sacrifice,â you would not have condemned the guiltless. (Matthew 12:7)
Thank you, Jesus, for your gifts of Mercy and Grace, we need them everyday. Remember Mercy is ânot receiving something you deserveâ while Grace is âreceiving something you don’t deserve.â We all deserve to be separated from God, but Grace says everything that Jesus has, is OURS, and we are God’s precious children.  Growth hurts. The ache and discomfort of pain can be agonizing, but it is necessary and always beneficial. God created us, not to stay stagnant, but to always be growing in him and becoming more like Jesus. But itâs not easy, and we can certainly stunt it.
Know that in the midst of heartache and pain, God is molding and growing you. Be confident in the promise from God that he is making you more like Jesus as you allow him to do the work he desires to do in you.
Stubbornness makes us do things we shouldn’t do, and cuts us off from others (even those who want to help us) â simply because we insist on our own way and won’t admit we might be wrong. But stubbornness also cuts us off from God, because it makes us refuse to seek His will or listen to His Word.
Until next time, please keep our leadership in prayer, as we make this transition. And YES GOD, you can have ALL of US. Â
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (Psalm 23: 4-5, KJV)
  Itâs not news that starting with Covid 19, strange and not so pleasant things have been popping up right and left in our world and in our families. There are more illnesses and money problems and killings, just to name a few. Though our church is highly blessed, we ,too, have had unusual challenges. I wanted to glean from Pastor Amy in hopes of borrowing some of her continued vim and vigor and sense of joy, as she lovingly pastors us during these times.
 So, I asked her, âHow do you juggle it all with such consistencyâ?Â
Looking over her shoulder as she flitted past me, she boldly stated, âYaâ gota know when to hold âem, and when to fold âemâ!Â
That quip filled my brain as I pondered, âhow do I do thatâ. I was led to visit Kenny Rogerâs song, âThe Gamblerâ, which prompted me to write the following parody:Â
 Â
Ya Got to Know ~Â
In the dark of a clubhouse Â
 You keep on ending at a tableÂ
Seems dependent on the luck of the draw.Â
So, you got to know when to hold âem;Â
 And know when to fold âem;Â
Know when to walk away, Â
 And know when to run.Â
But you been dealt all the aces,Â
 cause your dealer ainât no card shark.Â
You know heâs never done you wrong,Â
 Heâs always done you right.Â
So, take a swig from his fountain;Â
 Be fortified for the challenge,Â
Though you’re still at this table,Â
He will always steer you right.Â
Take time to count your blessings.Â
 While youâre sittinâ at this table,Â
Heâs put you in the winnerâs seat,Â
 Dealt you the winnerâs hand.Â
Heâll let you know when to hold âem;Â
 And also when to fold âem;Â
Youâll know when to walk away, Â
And thereâs partners by your side.Â
As I re -read what I wrote, I was amazed at how much God was truly partnering with me in the creating. It was now clear to me that it was also a parody right out of His book.Â
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (Psalm 23:4-5)
Ah, that we all take time to count our blessings while filling up on Godâs spiritual fountain so we, too, will be clear about what cards to hold and which to fold, as we with joy walk on through unusual challenges.Â
It seems so natural to hold onto thoughts and feelings I ought to be readily throwing into Godâs hands and pitching or by passing the great loving advice God wants me to grasp and hold onto. Surely this season of Lent is indeed a fine time to thank God for the hand weâve been dealt and ask him how to play our cards.
