Tag: healing

Good News From a Leaky Pen

Today’s blog writer is Marian Humphrey who wants to share with us how she came to be a child of God. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

There is no fear in Love, because perfect Love expels all fear…( 1 John 4:18)

THE LOVE TEST

Typing Love with a capital L in this scripture was no mistake.  Love is Jesus’ essential name because that’s the core of His nature; and He is the only one who can get rid of anyone’s fear.  I “speak” that boldly, because throughout 44 of my 83 years of life, I have tried all sorts of schemes using my own imagination as an atheist, and eventually thinking there might be a spiritual world, so trying out several gods who failed the love test before meeting Jesus and experiencing His “brand” of unconditional love over time.

My “other god” exploration ended abruptly when I was totally freaked out by a death threatening–allegedly “good witchcraft” meditation –while alone in my house.  That was 39 years ago when I felt desperate for a miraculous healing, so I invited myself to go to a friend’s church since healing took place there. I told her, “It seems since each human is unique, this thing, this spirit works differently with each one.  The methods I tried for fixing myself were not the ones for me. “ 

When folks were called up for healing at the church, the pastor said, “Jesus can heal anyone, but while you’re up here, if you want, you can accept a personal relationship with Christ.” 

 I thought, “This ritual is this religion’s custom, so I’ll repeat after him at his request.”  In my mind I was not hungry for God but for a quick fix; I was just following their rules like I did when experimenting with other gods. 

A FRESH NEW BABY

God knew what I was really seeking because I went home healed of my ailment and born again! I was a fresh new baby with a new heart. Even my husband noticed a bright new look in my eyes, one sign that Jesus is who He says He is. Thus began my perfectly joyful, problem free life in Christ as He was now in me as I was in Him, just as the Bible says in John 15:4 and other scriptures. Right? 

Somehow, I got the message life would now be a cake walk, as if I was now “fixed”.  After all, I was learning that Jesus had deposited love, joy, and all good traits in me when I invited Him into my heart and His love casts out all fear. I thought I would be in constant ecstasy with God.  

Of course, my joyful testimony about my new life would make my family and friends want to jump on my bandwagon.  What a shock to find that was not so!  In fact, I made those I loved the most think my God must be some sort of freak and with alien rules, as I preached and begged them to follow my lead so they wouldn’t go to Hell. After all, notice how righteous I had become.  I even suddenly insisted on changing the rules in our family, like no more Halloween after years of homemade costumes and plenty of candy.  All that was supposed to accept my loving God.

No one told me right off the bat, just as a new born baby, spits up, yells, and gulps down tons of milk and is very needy for constant care, so a new babe in Christ needs continual guidance by mature Christians and by hearing and studying God’s word.  It wasn’t clear to me that though I was born again with a new spiritual heart, my mind, my will and my emotions needed time; lots of time.  In fact, a whole lifetime to change, to grow up into maturity to be more like Christ. That’s just like a kid who has to grow with time and training to become a mature adult. 

THE HONEYMOON IS OVER

Experiencing the reactions I was getting from those I was hurting with my untamed power caused me to believe more in the old worthless image of myself than in the new person developing in me. The honeymoon with God was over.  My brand of brokenness had me struggling for years with retaining that joy that comes only with knowing just how much God loves me. If I wasn’t thinking and acting perfectly, then He had a right to be standoffish in a ready -to-punish- me-stance, I thought.   How could I come unabashedly into the lap of a father who might cast me off?  How could I truly rest behind His armor, His breastplate of righteousness and abandon my own defenses if I wasn’t good enough for His protection?

I felt for years needy to borrow other peoples loving faith in God and their listening ear to help build my trust in God. I was one of those who wasn’t “quickly getting over myself” so I was setting myself up for more feelings of aloneness. 

FINE TUNING MY EARS

Fortunately, at last I have that ongoing sense of joy and peace that comes with knowing that in all circumstances and all times God continually loves me even in all my moods and doings.  Because of my struggles, I am more determined than ever to meet each person I encounter with love and acceptance right where they are with encouragement.  That motivates me to allow God to fine tune my listening ears and loving heart through leaning into His still small voice or accepting His discipline.  

I always loved the first 2 sentences of the 1 John 4:18 scripture that began this message, but ignored the last one I left out.  It is often stated, “The one who fears God’s punishment is not made perfect in love,” which seemed to confirm how hopelessly worthless I was.  Now I understand it means that the fearful person has not yet “grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love” (AMP). 

May we all continue to be encouraged and encouraging of each other to grow perfectly united in Love as the body of Christ!