illness Archives - Atonement Church

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31, KJV)

THE HARD PART

“I’ll be waiting for you,” the woman said into her cell phone. “Yes, the ambulance should be here soon.” She heaved a sigh. “I know, honey. I pray Daddy will be okay as well.” Her body collapsed into the molded plastic chair of the waiting room with the weariness I knew only too well.

I hadn’t been eavesdropping, but the waiting room outside the ER at Crozer Medical Center echoed and was unusually empty on this Saturday night. From my own molded plastic chair across the aisle, I had made a similar phone call to my daughter just moments before. In the meantime, I waited and picked up my knitting project from what Bonnie and I called our “go-bags”. We’d been doing hospital runs for years. Waiting was always the hardest part.

LIKE AN EAGLE

The prophet Isaiah knew something about waiting. Isaiah 40:31 says “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength”. These words were meant to comfort the people of Israel who had been displaced from their homes and exiled from the Temple. Waiting was not a time to wring hands and moan, but a time to exercise faith that God would, in the right time, act.

That’s not to say that waiting is easy. Anyone who’s ever sat in a hospital waiting room knows the challenge of the task! But let’s think of the next part of the verse: “They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” Eagles know a thing or two about storms. Have you ever seen an eagle soaring up into the sky and wondered why? God has provided eagles with the ability to know that a storm is coming on; the eagle will allow the winds of the storm to lift it up to a higher spot. It doesn’t ESCAPE the storm but uses the tempest of the storm to lift it higher.

And higher.

SOARING ABOVE

We’d been through many storms in the years since my husband had been so seriously injured. By keeping our hearts and minds on God, my family had kept from being overcome by the many challenges of a chronically ill family member.

I thought about that now as I put down my knitting needles. I had no idea how long it would be until my daughter arrived to wait with me or until the ambulance brought my husband in. I had no idea what this latest health crisis would entail or how long he night remain in the hospital.

But I did know how to wait.

I put my knitting back in my bag, gathered up my possessions, and crossed the aisle to the woman sitting across from me.

WAITING OUT THE WINDS

“Hello,” I said. “I don’t mean to interrupt you. But I couldn’t help but hear your phone conversation. I feel that we might be on a similar journey tonight.” I smiled. “My husband is being brought in by ambulance. I just called my daughter to come.”

The woman looked up at me, worry etched across her face. “My husband, too,” she said. “And I just called my daughter.”

I nodded. “Waiting is hard. I thought that perhaps, until our daughters come, we could wait together.”

“That would be wonderful,” she said and, moving her handbag, motioned me to sit next to her.

We exchanged a few words, but we didn’t really talk. We didn’t trade names, or phone numbers, or information about our husbands. We just waited.

But we didn’t wait alone.

In due course, our daughters both arrived and the woman and I parted. After a while, a nurse came and called the woman and her daughter back to the patient rooms.

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she passed my chair. “God bless you.”

I didn’t see her again but I knew that we had been there for each other at a time when no one should be alone.

During the two decades of Ron’s illnesses, Bonnie and I often found ourselves wedged into the molded plastic chairs of the typical hospital waiting room. We took comfort in being with each other and, whenever possible, we passed along our faith in God to others we met on our long journey.

Waiting is hard. But we never wait alone.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Before my husband’s death in 2019, many of our holidays were spent in hospitals or emergency rooms. Despite the locale, we counted on Jesus to keep our hope alive. This post was originally published in December of 2014.

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Who, and what are you?” Scrooge demanded.
“I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.”
“Long Past?” inquired Scrooge: observant of its dwarfish stature.
“No. Your past.”

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

The Ghost of Christmas Past greets me at the doorway of the Emergency Room. Instantly, I am catapulted back to other holidays spent in hospital, waiting for tests or surgeries or hope. The waiting room is almost vacant, and decorations of pink and purple hang on the artificial pine tree and from the ceiling. They are cheerful colors, but lack the warmth of traditional Christmas red and green. “Happy Holidays,” says the guard who takes my purse and asks me if I am carrying any knives or guns.

“Merry Christmas, ” I respond. “I am sorry you have to be here today.” She shrugs and beckons me through the metal detector while she rifles through my purse for contraband, then nods at me. The Ghost of Christmas Past, not used to such newfangled technology, has waited for me on the other side and joins me in my walk down the corridor I know only too well. Another urinary tract infection has sent Ron to the hospital early this morning and he now awaits a CT scan. Bah, humbug.

Scrooge entered timidly, and hung his head before this Spirit. He was not the dogged Scrooge he had been; and though the Spirit’s eyes were clear and kind, he did not like to meet them.

“I am the Ghost of Christmas Present,” said the Spirit. “Look upon me.

Christmas Present is waiting at the house. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, and the kids–all grownups–are coming at 3:00 for supper. I could call them and tell them not to come, of course, and they would understand. But life goes on. The lessons learned from the last fifteen years assures us of this: a holiday celebrated in hospital is still a holiday. And my grown-up offspring have not all been in the same place at the same time since October.

Ron is relatively cheerful. The morphine infusion helps. There are times I wish I had one. He may or may not be home in time for dinner. In the meantime, plans will go on. I will, as usual, balance it all out. I leave before he comes back from the CT scan. I will check back later to see how he is doing.

There is no parking charge today, a Christmas gift from the good people of Colonial Parking. I have probably paid enough in parking fees over the last fifteen years to warrant my own VIP spot. On the drive back home, alone, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come hovers over my head; is this, then, what my life is doomed to be like? Will I forever be trying to outrun the shadows of Ron’ illnesses?

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME

“I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come?” said Scrooge.
The Spirit answered not, but pointed downward with its hand.
“You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us,” Scrooge pursued. “Is that so, Spirit?”

The upper portion of the garment was contracted for an instant in its folds, as if the Spirit had inclined its head. That was the only answer he received.

Back home, Allen and I turn on some Christmas music and start dinner, trying to keep our own Christmas spirits alive. Allen wishes for “just a little snow” to make it look more like Christmas, but we agree that Christmas is more a feeling than scenery. “Sometimes,” says my son, “people act more like Scrooge.” And as I prepare the potato casserole for the oven, I think this over.

For those who have never had 9th grade English, let me give you a brief lesson. Ebeneezer Scrooge is the protagonist of Charles Dickens’ 1843 story, “A Christmas Carol,” an essay written for the dual purpose of paying off debts Dickens owed to his publisher and bringing to public attention the plight of the poor in Victorian England. In fact, while Christmas has been celebrated since the fourth century when Pope Julius I chose December 25 as the day to mark the “Feast of the Nativity,” it was Dickens’ story that shaped much of our Christmas traditions of today, such as “goodwill and peace to all men.” Since the publication of “A Christmas Carol”, the story has never been out of print and has been adapted for 22 stage productions, 2 operas, 4 recordings, at least 10 radio broadcasts, 49 loosely based TV show adaptations and 20 film versions. “Carol” is a story of redemption, of the ability of one man to remake himself with the help of supernatural beings. Dickens himself was not overly religious in the traditional sense and the birth of Jesus as the reason for Christmas is only referred to in Bob Cratchit’s comment about Tiny Tim:

“Somehow he gets thoughtful sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.

The story of redemption is prevalent this time of year; just look to the black and white Hollywood classics to see what I mean. Beginning with “Penny Serenade” in 1941, all the way through 1946’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” and ending with “Miracle on 34th Street” circa 1947, the story of redemption through the elusive Christmas spirit is clear. We may all, as Allen observes, act a little like Scrooge at times, but with a little help from our friends–even supernatural ones–we can change.

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

And this is what carries me through another Christmas Day, waiting for a call from the hospital, humming Christmas Carols as I spike the punch bowl. (Hey, spirits can help in more ways than one.) Redemption is possible. Change is possible.

“What’s to-day?” cried Scrooge, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him.
“Eh?” returned the boy, with all his might of wonder.
“What’s to-day, my fine fellow?” said Scrooge.
“To-day?” replied the boy. “Why, Christmas Day.”

“It’s Christmas Day!” said Scrooge to himself. “I haven’t missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night. They can do anything they like. Of course they can. Of course they can.

There is always, then, hope. The Scrooge who exclaimed “Bah, humbug!” to nephew Fred’s invitation to dine is replaced by the man who “knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.”

Redemption of any kind does not, Ebeneezer reminds me, depend on snow or presents or turkey dinner or the date on the calendar. It depends on how we view and hold Christmas and all its meanings forever in our hearts. It is purposeful; we make the choice to keep it, or not to keep it.

“I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!” Scrooge repeated, as he scrambled out of bed. “The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. Oh Jacob Marley! Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this. I say it on my knees, old Jacob, on my knees!”

May all of you keep Christmas forever in your hearts!

Even in hospital.

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